so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
