Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
