she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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