I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
