are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
