Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
