if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
