omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
