I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
