Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
