why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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