woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
