does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
