I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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