I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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