Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
