my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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