Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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