Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
