Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
