the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
