We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
