Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
3pm strippers are depressing
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
