I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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