Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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