Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
