Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
