i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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