I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
