i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you will always have a special place in my vag
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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