You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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