Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
