the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
