if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
