You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
