life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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