You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
