don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
