It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
