I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
