You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
