Have you finally orgasmed yet?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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