i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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