Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
