be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
