Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
