I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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