i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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