I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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