i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
