Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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